MacGuffin

I've been struggling for a week trying to get this post finished.  I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn't think y'all had the extra hours necessary to read it.  Leastwises, not with Thanksgiving this Thursday and all!

I've had a lot going on lately, but then what's new about that.  As women, we all do.  (Sorry guys, but it's a well known fact women can do more in two steps than a man can in half a dozen).

In addition to preparing and setting up at the Junk Hippy Roadshow, I've also had my hands full with my baby girl.  I didn't say anything, but she had to have sorta-kinda emergency gall bladder surgery.  I say sorta-kinda because she actually went into the hospital with Pancreatitis which led to the surgery.  Now before you ask...she's doing great and was released by her doctor last week...just in time for Mama Cat to do the show and our family's Gobble-Gobble tournament.

But the real reason I'm doing this post is to talk about the elephant in the room I've been dusting for several weeks...blogging and whether to continue or stop all together.

It's been laying like a bad street taco in the pit of my stomach.  Talk about heartburn...ohmylanta for real.  It took several recent events to push it first and foremost into my thoughts...starting with being dropped off a couple of sidebars.

Someone pointed this out to me (I won't say how they noticed) and asked if it hurt my feelings.  I ain't gonna lie and say it didn't 'cause it did sting a bit, but truth is I don't blame 'em one bit. I've only myself to blame.  I've quit posting/commenting on a regular basis and I wouldn't waste my time with me either...if I had a choice.  Problem is I'm stuck with me.

When asked if I was going to remove these folks from my side bar as well, my first thought was heck yeah...

BUT...

after stewing a bit, I had to ask myself what purpose would that serve?  All I would be proving is I'm a small minded person with an even bigger ego.  I've survived being de-friended on FB.  Heck...I've survived being blocked!  So I get de-barred to boot...I'll survive this burp as well.  There have...and will be...bigger fish to fry in my life.  Time is way too short to waste precious minutes on a one woman pity party...even when served with whine and cheesy platitudes. 

One of the reasons I started blogging was for the sheer pleasure of seeing my words in print.  I can't begin to describe the thrill when I began to think I could write, but somewhere along the way, I lost my sense of direction.  It became all about the comments and praise...she says with her head hanging down in shame.  When He withheld the words, it also became work...cumbersome with no joy in it.

I found myself worrying.

Would it be funny enough?

Would anybody get what I was saying?

Would I offend anyone?

Fretting when I should have been typing...and praying.

I began to have performance anxiety...stage fright.

I love a spotlight and opening night jitters was not what I signed on for.

A week ago Monday---thankfully---I was reminded of why I began blogging and why I love it.

I had lunch with four of the most remarkable women I've ever known...and except for Jenn...I met every one of them through blogging.

(Right about now is where I'll begin name dropping and tearing up a bit.)

Donna, Lisa Mac, and Rebecca are three of the most talented women out there.  They're smart, funny, generous, and supportive.  I trust them with my thoughts and I respect their opinions.  (Law...do I trust their opinions.) Listening to them, hearing their words of encouragement, knowing it came from their hearts to mine, I felt a burden being lifted off my shoulders.

Having lunch with these women, not only fed the belly...it fed the soul.  Listening to them talk...hearing them speak of their talents...was food for thought and water to quench a parched throat.

~As each of you has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.~1 Peter 4:10

In those four pairs of loving eyes, I realized there is a huge difference in being boastful and in being honest.  It isn't prideful to acknowledge those talents that have been given by God.  Denying them is denying Him the glory.

Thank you ladies for showing me this with your words, faith and love. 

God sat me down at this desk and He and He alone gave me the words to share.  He took control of this keyboard from the get-go and in doing so, gave me a voice colored with the gift of humor. 

These beautiful, wise women reminded me of that.  I'm not here to spout my own platform.  I'm here to glorify Him...even with laughter, where ever and when ever I can.

This morning I had my own private Come to Jesus meeting and I have my answer.  Numbers, sidebars, who does or doesn't like me...all that doesn't matter...not any more.  What matters is talking from my heart and doing it always in my own voice.

So first things first.

To start with, and in case you haven't noticed, I've removed the comment section from my blog.  I did this for several reasons starting with I had become a slave to it.  I don't want that anymore.  Nor do I want the worry of what y'all might think of a post...or me...to hinder my writing honestly.  When the words start coming so fast I trip over my own fingers, I don't always have time to stop and wonder if it's funny or dull.  I just have to type and pray the grammar is correct.

Lastly...I've become lax about commenting and the guilt has been gnawing at me.  I don't want any of y'all to ever feel that way about visiting here.  It isn't good for the digestion.

So-o-o...henceforth and from this point on...

consider this blog is pressure free...except for the part about me being a big ol' wind bag.  Sorry y'all.  That'll never change. I y'am what I y'am...and that's all that I y'am.

Just.one.long.sentence!

Not that I don't want to ever hear from y'all.  I do.  But it should be when and if you have the time.  I'm just an e-mail away or you can visit me on my Talking Trash FaceBook page.  My page is where I'm going to be putting up show dates, merchandise, and me just raising my dress over my head.  You know...just the usual, normal stuff.  If you're fascinated by the sight of white grand-mama panties...feel free to stop on over.

My roadmap for this blog is being rerouted as I type.  I know there is road construction waiting just around the bend, but for now I'm content to idle a spell and wait on my God-PS to get me there.

So for now...

If my writing comes out making sense...color me happy.

If reading me speaking my mind colors you happy...even better.

And if in reading my thoughts, you find what you came looking for...

I've done my job.