Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Words Jumping Off The Page At Ya!

SweetT just did a post on preparing for The Big Show.  It's just around the corner...my one daffodil told me so!
I really can't add anything to her great tips, but I can give all of y'all a big ol' heads-up on how to blend into the Texas-scape.

I got me a hunch all you out-of-staters are gonna wanna appear to be Texasafied (hey...it ain't braggin' if it's the truth!) and I can't say's I blame you, so besides tellin' ya ta wear boots as much as possible,  I thought it only fittin' I give y'all a little lesson in Tex-glish. 

Each state has a unique way of talking, but in my neck of the woods, we tend to gussy up things...a lot.  I'm pretty sure most of y'all are familiar with some of the expressions we use like "fixinta" and "do what", but there is a whole lotta other sayings we got that can twist up words faster than a Texas tornado.  In an effort to make it a little easier for y'all to cipher what we're sayin'...the rest of this post will be me tawkin' in my native tongue.  Any questions... feel free to ask!  BTW, if any of my Texas peeps have sump'n to add that I may fergit...be my guest in the comment section.

Ever'thang in Texas is bigger includin' the Big Show and the surroundin' fields. If'fn ya don't know yer way 'round, yer liable to be turned ever which-a-ways, feel horn swoggled and git just plain outta sorts with frustration.  I reckon the best advice I cain give ya is ta git real cozy-like with the word "yonder"...'cause in Tex-glish...this one word, all by it's lonesome, cain cover a whole lotta real estate!   

Yonder is one of my fav-O-rite words in the dict'nary.  It's the perfect word fer givin' d'rections at the show.  It can mean comin' or goin'...left or right...up or down, but always with a thumb signal to let ya know which-aways ta light out.  Like say ya wanta know where ya saw a bodacious table and ya've plumb fergot where it was so ya ask around before going ahead on.  Ya may be told it's just over yonder (meaning it's so close if'fn it was a snake...it'da bit ya) or ya may hear it's down yonder (meanin' it's way-cross the field).  If'fn ya hear it's yonder ways, just back-aways, and down the road a piece...ya best high-tail it and start pattin' and bendin'...'cause it's a goodly amount'a time away.  Unless a'course, ya got somebody willin' ta carry ya there...ya best git ta gittin' while the gittin's good 'cause you shore are gonna be bowed up 'cause ya didn't git it in the first place..and it's sold when ya fin'ly find it a'gin! 

Yonder cain be spittin' distance or it cain be clean up ta a mile or better off! (FYI...when asking how fer sump'n is...prepare ta be told in minutes...not miles!) It can be around-ta the back o' the house or it kin be smooth-straight-smack-dab in the middle o' the front room.

(Right 'bout now, I'm picturin' all of y'all starin' at the screen, all whomper jawed and a-wonderin' what the heck...'cause ya cain't make hide nor hair of what I'm yammerin' 'bout.  It's as clear as muddy water...right?  Jist be happy I'm tawkin' in general instead'a by regions of Texas 'cause Oh Mylanta...that'sa whole nuther six posts!)

It really ain't all that hard to tawk Tex-glish...I promise ya up and down.  Just 'member ta make three syllable words two and drag out one syllable words inta two. Drop all yer g's, 'member light bread is Mrs. Baird's, sweet milk is Borden's, and a Coke is all cold drinks...'ceptin' suh-wate-tea! If'fn yer not a-wantin' sugah in yer tea...ya best smile when ya say that...stranger!
 If I ask ya up ta the house fer supper, it don't mean yer the main course...jist the main guest!  Fixin' dinner is me a-cookin' and fixins are what y'all ask if I'll be a-needin'.  Dinner and supper are interchangeable...both meanin' eatin' at night, but dinner and lunch can be served at noon.  Aggervated much?  A conniption fit and a hissy are almost one and the same...jist as long as they are throw'd, pitch'd or had...with a tail throw'd on a hissy fer good measure! (No sense wastin' a good hissy!)

  (Ya cain check yer high-falutin' ways at the door on yer way out if'fn ya don't cotton ta what I'm a-tellin' y'all...it don't make me no never-mind! Jist thought I'd throw that sentence in...had a nice rang ta it!)

If'fn I tell ya ta chunk yer hat over yonder...don't throw it clean out inta the next room.  Same goes if'fn I tell ya ta tump the water outta that there warsh tub.  Jist turn it over and have a sit down...no need ta git on your high horse 'cause it shore beats sittin' on yer heels with spurs on!  Tawkin' 'bout horses...if'fn I tell ya "He's all hat and no horse", I'm here ta tell ya...he ain't got no stay 'bout him.  He's just jaw jackin' and thinks the sun comes up jista hear him crow!     

Now this here ain't a complete list...no sirree bob.  Heck...this is jist the piddlee'o tip of the iceberg...but it's plum purt near as I can get it in one post.  Prob'ly, the best idee would be ta git yerself a Texas-bred shoppin' buddy ta have handy afore you light out inta the fields.  I want y'all ta have a good time while visitin' Texas and I aim ta help in any way I cain.  I'm tickled as all git out that the show is only a few weeks away and that I'm gonna git ta meet up with some folks I've howdied with but ain't shook hands with...yet!

I guess by now y'all are thinking "I swan, but if that woman don't have enough tongue for 10 rows a'teeth" so I guess I'll shut 'er down...fer now.
I gotta lotta rat killin' yet ta do, so I reckon I better mosey on down yonder ta the barn and git to crackin'. Law, but it's all catty wampussed up with the qual'ty merchandise we've been findin' lately and jist chunkin' anywhere and ever'where there's an empty spot.

I shore hope y'all know I'm jist a-joshin' ya and I'll tawk real good again soon...appreshate ya!

(DISCLAIMER:  At no point during the writing of this post, was Spellcheck harmed...abused, yes...harmed, no.)


red.neck chic said...

LMBO!!!!!!!!! i'll be back when i'm not laughing so hard tears are a-streamin' down my cheeks...


Mindy said...

Woo Hoo! I must be a Texan, cuz I understood ever sangle thang yew jus sayed. Oh! And Texans hug everyone! They better be prepared for that. We're a hugging people for sure! ~Mindy

Gracie's Cottage said...

uh wait...what did you say?



sassytrash said...

Could you repeat that??

(JK...wish I was coming there out to meecha!)

VS said...

Once you talk Texas, you never go back!
It lingers in ya, just like a sweet memory waiting to pop up again as soon as the skies open up all beautiful & blue, ya can't stop lookin up cuz of those CLOUDS & the fields & pastures look like the best damn mall in the whole wide world!!!
Ahhhhhh Texas...I'm comin home soon!!
Luv Ya Texas Gal,
Susie Pearl

sassytrash said...

I meant "OUT THERE" (blond and dyslexic....life's a challenge)

Sue said...

PERFECTION! I loved your post, reminded me of my "Mama" and all her family. Even though many of them transplanted themselves out here in sunny California, they still had their accents, expressions, and favorite sayings. Actually, I just talked to my great aunt that lives out here the other day on the phone. And at 91 she STILL has not lost her magical Texas accent!

Take care, Sue

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

Girl I am crying, you are too funny and truthful. Don't forget your soda water in the ice box! :O

time worn interiors said...

I got a brand new pair of boots for Christmas! I can't wait to show them to you!

amy~ the gypsy chick said...

hhhhaaaa haaaahhaa!!! now this is why i LoVe you so much!!!! {{{sending you great big HuGs}}}

Joy Campbell said...

OMG... I am just cracking up! I am a claifornia gal on my way to Texas for the first time...look out texas here we come hi fultin ways and all....


Sissie's Shabby Cottage said...

You forgot over yonder cross the crick!


Daphne Nicole & Lynda Cade said...

OH Deb, you always make me laugh.... this was such a cute post!!!
hugs~~ Daphne

DEB said...

LOL I was laughing soooo hard...cus I understood every lil thang u said!!! Us okies talk alot like ya'll Texans do anywho!
Wish I could be there...one of these days g/f...one of these days!!!!
Deb:) xoxox

Dixie said...

Deb... as always... "you told it like it wuz"... and just a reminder... in case it comes up in conversation... The "game" in Texas is football... A&M is synonomus with Texas... and don't tell a Texan that the Dallas Cowboys aren't "Gods Team"... thems fightin wurds down he-uh! Have fun at RoundTop!

Vicki said...

LOL - This yankee could actually read that. What's wrong with me???

The Green Pea said...

Debbie, you always make me lol. My Malanta is my favorite. sandi

Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

Deb, my first thought, of course, was about spellcheck! HA! You beat me to it.

Can't wait to hang with y'all! XOX

Hayley said...

I can follow!
(from Alabama)

Zita - Mlle Magpie said...

Deb, I love it when you talk Tex-glish! One more good reason to come down to Texas and visit with y'all.

Carole said...

Now do you sell Texas -English dictionarys??? wow you guys sure have your own language. Happy you guys never decided to become your own country!!! haha

Laura said...

Thank goodness you're crazy because if you weren't then I wouldn't understand everything you say- while shouting Amen!



Town and Country Gals said...

all I have to say is, you crack me up! Now I have to log off and go recuperate because you blew my mind!

Jill said...

Huh?! I love it, didn't understand it all, but loved it!

Lisa said...

Oh my God Deb, you are the s(*t!~ Too funny. All I could think about reading this was your Texa-fied jabberin' along with Jodie & her equally un- comprehendable Cajun dialect trying to communicate with a poor So Cal soccer Mom who somehow made her way to your booth at Round Top. Poor things head would spin right off her shoulders! Sometimes it hurts my brain trying to understand y'all. Love your original self & hope to see you in about a month.
PS Think about being a vendor at Paper Cowgirls in June! I think you'd do great. Your funky cool stuff would be a huge hit there.

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

Got it all, ever bit! Alabama talk is verrrrry simlar! My girlfriend used the term "whomper jawed" yesterday!

Have fun!

Lou Cinda :)

Rebecca said...

Ha! Deb, now that was a mouthful...and I bet hard to write from the glare of the yellow spellcheck!
Oofta, this yank had a hard time...ya, youbetchabye
Love you Girl, wish I could be there!

Anonymous said...

Just wondering if I can learn this language
with "Rosetta Stone"
Hey now that's a good idea............we can call it "Talkin Texan" :)

grace (hugs)

the old white house said...

I had to stop laughing so I could write this... you are hilarious! Thoughtful and caring too as shown in this post, just trying to help all us NonTexans (poor things) fit in! how sweet of you! This post alone makes me want to sell the house and maybe throw in the hubby to raise enough cashola to be able to meet you! Thanks for the laughs! xoxo

Unknown said...

I know I got southern blood in me, but didn't know I could read Texan! LOL...no trouble here... Deb, it musta taken you a while to put that down!
I might have had a little practice though...I have read all the Jan Karon books about 'Father Tim' and when she writes about the town folks she uses the native language...lol. It's southern, but similar. It's the Mitford series about an Episcopal Priest and the town he serves...wonderful series...:-)

Olde Tyme Marketplace said...

I think I just peed me britches laughing !
Lawdy lawdy!

Anonymous said...

GooD LoRD willin and the creeks don't rise we'll be seein ya sooooooon! sista, yer a hootenanny on red bull (or one of those crazy energy drinks! :))
jolie sikes - junk gypsy

(OK...stillllll can't figure out this dern posting thang! it just told me my URL contained illegal characters???!!! WHat in sam-hill??!!!! soooo, i'm posting anonymous...kinda makes it all mysterious...)

terri said...

haha, love that I didn't have to use the translate tool for this one. Us Texans DO have our own verbage, You tawlk thu tawlk wayll. enjoyed thu post.