Thursday, August 4, 2011

Jump In My Trunk

In case y'all didn't know it...even the devil leaves Texas in the summer.'s hotter than a two dollar pistol here in Big D. In an effort to cool things down a bit, I thought I'd rerun this Cat Daddy tall tale from Christmas past.

Hopefully... you'll take a coupla things away from here today.
One...some things just can't be made up and...
two...ain't we got fun?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sunday Morning Funny Paper

This was a busy week for Cat Daddy and I! There is just no rest for the wicked and boy, I must be one little holy terror! sticks and ashes in my fishnet stockings!
We attended a dinner party for a friend's retirement (not that I'm that old you understand...just my friends) and two Christmas Open Houses. Fran and Liz drove over to one with us and while driving, we got to talking about Christmas gifts. I told them about a present C.D. had given me several years ago and Liz insisted I share it with y'all!

A few years back he kept pestering me for a Christmas list. He nearly drove me crazy wanting that list, so finally I just sat down and made out my dream list. You know...things I knew I'd never get, but would love to have...secretly hoping I'd be driving him crazy for a change.  One item on my list was a pair of Japanese garden pants and another was a butt!

If you've met me, you're aware that in the backside area...I'm more than just a little badonkadonk challenged. Picture that cartoon guy who always "hankered for a hunk of cheese" and you've got my shape...skinny legs and all! To say I'm a flat bottom boat would be an understatement. Don't get me wrong, if I could turn my head around to the back, I'd have a great rear...problem with that would be my "new" shoulder blades! It's a family thing...I come from a long line of flat butts and to add insult to injury, I also don't have any hips. Everything would slide right on down to my ankles if it wasn't for my belly! See my dilemma?

Well, imagine my surprise on Christmas Eve when everything on my list, including the Japanese garden pants, was wrapped and under the tree! Oh read right...everything! (What can I say...the man's part bloodhound.) Ol' C.D. had made a special trip to Frederick's of Hollywood and bought me a lycra covered tailgate party with a capital A**! Man alive, I coulda served cocktails off this caboose! Talk about backfield in hitch in this gitalong! A tushie that a fanny pack would actually stay on! Buns of steel that you could bounce a quarter off! There was only one teeny tiny problem...I still didn't have any hips. My rear was bootiliscious, but (no pun intended) the rest of my bottom half...not so much! Baby had back...but no hip flasks to balance her load.

I guess I shoulda been more specific since what I really needed was this...

the DEE-luxe edition...the Cadillac of derrieres!  In this plumped up, pumped out,  rump-wrangler contraption,  if asked "Is Trash Around?"...the answer would be "Heck yeah...all the way around."!

Maybe this year, if I wish real hard, he'll high-tail it back to FOH's...and I'll no longer be the butt of jokes! Sigh...a girl can dream can't she?

The Living End and I'll be seeing you in the funny pages!


LuLu Kellogg said...

LOL, that Cat Daddy is a pistol!! I would have wet my brits!!

I probably need this now that I have lost all this weight and my backside looks like melted candle wax! *giggling*

Love you Girl!

Sassy Marsha said...

LMAO . . should not have been drinking my coffee when I read this as I had to go change clothes, wipe off the keyboard and monitor!!!!


Anonymous said...

I can't hardly type cause I'm still laughing,, now,, we need to get together becuase I have big butt, big hips,, and legs,, no bellie and a small waist,, I'm a perfect triangle,,I could give some caboose with change to spare,,Your husband is a doll!

red.neck chic said...

*giggle* this makes me laugh so hard... do you know - i had just started reading you when you posted this.

you made me cry then. LMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the devil called... he said he wants his weather back... minus some of the heat. HA!


Olive Cooper said...

He was precise with that list and that is so sweet. Honey I have some hips I can send ya!

Olde Tyme Marketplace said...

a hankering for a hunk of.....
a slab or slice or chunk of.....
a hankering for a hunk of cheese!!!
I am rolling!! I remember that little dude! Gosh I am laughin out loud! THis story was beyond priceless......
God bless that man o' yours!

Jane said...

That is a great story!! I fall into the same category as you, no butt or hips but the gut....well that's another story!

Tarnished and Tattered said...

Okay girl, when you finish up serving cocktails off that hiney you can go score some touchdowns. Those look like football pants to me! Are you sure CD didn't get them off a retired Cowboy?

Faded Charm said...

Girl, you've got some of the craziest stories. Thanks for the laugh and also the sweet comment about my porch. Hope you are staying cool in all that heat:-)


Laura said...


We may have all had heat stroke.
Have you gone to the grocery store in your gown yet?

I am so hot.

Your husband is a great finder!
Frederick's indeed.