Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Brace Yourself

~If you ever injected truth into politics, you would have no politics.~Will Rogers

1.  One who tells or writes a story.
2.  Informal:  a liar.

When I was a little girl and tried telling a big ol' whopper to cover up some misdeed I was guilty as sin of, Mother would ask "Debra Lynn...are you telling me a story?".  Mother put up with a lot from us kids, but one thing she didn't hold to was lying. She didn't like being storied to and developed a fool proof method to deter my siblings and me.

She always kept a Bolo paddle board on top of the fridge...minus the ball of course.  If one of us tried storying to her and she caught wind of it, ('course...we always did and 'course...so did she. My mother could smell an out-and-out, bald-faced lie a mile away) one swift whack with that paddle was all it took to put us back on the straight and narrow.

 Let me tell y'all...that woman was a crack-shot...literally. She was never known to miss her target and to this day, I find it hard to even tell a little white lie without flinching...or clenching!

Which brings me to the subject at hand...the political conventions!

We got the Republican Party Convention going on in Florida and the Democratic Party's set for next week in North Carolina.  Not to make light of hurricanes, but the amount of hot air that's gonna get to swirling and blowing during this time could be just as dangerous.

(Absolutely no relevance to this rant post. Just an excuse for me to show Grayzilla...although this does kinda illustrate politicians and their talking, but not saying anything!) 


I gotta tell y'all...I admit my ignorance. I don't quite understand the whole party/convention process...other than the balloons. I like balloons...'specially pink ones. 

There are delegates and then there are super-delegates.  The way I understand it...they are there to smile big for the cameras, make keynote speeches and form a party platform...complete with planks.  Now to my way of thinking, some of these folks need to be walking a plank, but I digress.  The main purpose for a convention is for these delegates...pledged and unpledged...to cast votes in the nomination process for president and vice-president.

Hmmm...she thinks scratching her head.

Not to be a party pooper y'all, but I gotta ask...doesn't this sound a bit like a fraternity to y'all?


I might be over simplifying this just a scosche...but hasn't that decision already been made?  What's the point?

I think I know.

They say convention...I say party time!

(Again...no relevance. Just a shameless excuse to use Graycie's photo whenever possible!)

Don't get me wrong...no one loves a good time better'n me. Heck...my middle name is Party.  Point is...don't flower it up. Call it what it is...an excuse to rock 'n roll and wear ridiculous clothes!  Fact is...I'd have a Tupperware Party Convention myself...if I could afford it.

Hey...maybe there's time to change it to the Cocktail Party!

I can see it now.  No wimpy vests for us.  We could all wear togas festooned...and I might add...held discreetly together by Deb The Celeb For Prez campaign buttons. Ooohh...and hats!  We gotta have hats. Imagine...red, white and blue Lady Liberty crowns complete with sequins, three foot tall, sparkly Uncle Sam hats and rakish, bedazzled straw bowlers with glow in the dark hatbands.  With all my artsy and crafty constituents...the possibilities are endless.  Feathers y'all...I'm seeing feathers!

(You know the drill by now. It's my party and I'll show what I want to!)

But my fellow Americans...the creme de la creme would be the party favors.  I would issue Bolo paddle boards...rubber balls still attached for an extra ka-thonk on the ol' ba-donkadonk...to all my attendees. Once armed in a playful mood, I'd load all y'all and a ragtime band up on a flat bed trailer, and we'd head on out to Tampa and Charlotte. We'd crash the RNC and DNC parties before they had time to know what hit 'em.  Imagine their faces!  We could all float down on balloons a la Mary Poppins amid glittering confetti and then...every time we heard some politician tellin' a story...


It sure as shooting would beat the heck outta Whack-a-Mole. I promise you up and down...it would be a political party to end all political parties.  For souvenirs at party's end, we'd all take home guns to rival Rosie the Riveter's to prove it!

And the best part?

Who's to say we'd have to stop there? No more of He said/She said game playing. We could march...band blaring...our party right on up to Washington and start the new game of Whack-a-Congress...or as I would like to call it...If You Can't Join 'Em...Beat 'Em!

(Again...I do not make light of Hurricane Isaac and all who are or will be impacted. My prayers go to all those folks for God's keeping.  My prayers also go up for all Americans and our country in the coming elections.  I pray God will exercise His will over all our country's leaders and give them the whack they need to stop arguing just long enough to hear and listen to Him.)


Sue said...

Politicians, they need more than one whack up the side of their heads. I believe they need a couple each and every day! I hate politics, there I said it! I do, really HATE politics as I believe those same politics are responsible for all of the messes that us "regular" people have to go through in our daily lives. I could throw in the big banks as well, but wait. . .aren't they all connected by some secret brotherhood of being asses? I'm just asking?

Great post Debbie. I enjoyed it. On a side note, I did mention to Gloria where you will be selling at during the shows, but apparently they are going there this year. I still wish you the best with the hot weather and hot air our "leaders" keep adding to with their ramblings!

Take care my friend,

Cheryl said...

You could run on the "Hey Y'all Listen Up" ticket, I'd vote for ya! Better yet, I think I'll just write your name in anyhow!
Have fun,

Debra @ Common Ground said...

you can get an Amen from me!!

red.neck chic said...

I'm sorry... you lost me at the first Gracie picture. DANG! Did that hurt? OUCH!!!

Now. Please sign me up for a whack paddle... i'd knock 'em all out and giggle like a lunatic while I did it. I CAN wear my "Deb the Celeb" pin while doing it, unless you would like me to be an under-cover operative (I'd like my code name to be SMILEYWHACKERCHICKIEBABY)in which case - my political ties would be secret and just between us.

*big innocent grin goes here*

Anne Lorys - Fiona and Twig said...

She is definitely rocking the braces, little cutie!!!

I for one will be SO glad when this election is over.
But yeah, I think a good thwack to the backside might do some politicos a bit of good!!!

Olive Cooper said...

All the PAC's gotta drink it up. On both sides. I would just appreciate it if the media would report fairly about each event. We are getting a huge amount of tropical rain here so I cannot imagine what New Orleans is like.

Nana's girl said...

@red.neck chic no it did not hurt

Stephanie said...

This is the first election-related reading I have done that has been enjoyable!!

red.neck chic said...

Nana's girl... good. Because I was worried. And I was going to come rescue you if you were being tortured at the Dentist's office.


Rebecca said...

Ha... sign me up! I know they are just getting started so I am trying not to be aggravated yet... give me another week and I will want to do some whack'in! Speaking of which that paddle sounded a little wimpy compared to the razor strap I used to get! Ha
Blessings to you my dear friend
PS. I had to laugh, I have never been called an onion before!

Rebecca said...

PSS. I forgot to mention what a cutie petutie that lil gal of yours is. Took the braces like a champ also, tough like her gramma.

Pam @ Frippery said...

I say give a couple for good measure. Just because they might be thinking about it. Cutest little brace face ever BTW.
LYttH Pammie

Bohemian said...

AMEN!!! I'm Hoping you add your Party to the Ballot... now that's a Party worthy attending! *Winks*

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Donna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Donna said...

I know I already heard one, so I will second "AMEN"
I love it when you get to storyin'
Guaranteed to make you chuckle
Maybe that could be you campaign slogan!
I would vote for ya!
Hugs, kisses and oh so much love

lisa Moran, Bilancia Designs said...

What a way to start my day...
The "storyteller" has done it again! :)
I agree with Stephanie--the best thing I've read so far about the election. I think you should continue to give your "two cents" throughout the campaign. So much more entertaining than what we have to endure for the next couple of months...
(The cutie with the beautiful smile is adorable! Must take after her grandma)

Kathy said...

Deb...well said, and I'd put on my "party" hat and join you in a minute!!

Hugs from Ohio!


Carole said...

I know I don't get the whole convention thing either. I have to admit I do like politics but try to keep my options to myself but if someone challenges me I do speak up. Hubby gives me the stink eye when I get going though...haha

Yes I did get the table and chairs and when I get them out of the driveway I will start to enjoy them:)


The Summer Kitchen Girls said...

Well Said! Love it :)

DKG aka Scrappy Doo said...

I saw Party and thought Warrenton then read the post that was very well said and wonderfully illustrated and thought I have missed reading your blog :-) I am back and going to the show at end of the month hope I see ya :-) have a great night