Sunday, January 2, 2011

Requiem For A Lightweight

This is an extremely difficult post to write. Some of y'all may have noticed, I've been absent from posting and leaving comments. My little man of 13 years was not feeling well this past week. Knowing what was coming, I was spending every minute with him. I couldn't leave him alone even for one second.

Danny bought him for my birthday gift in '98. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life....little did I know that along with all that cuteness, came the dearest friend I would ever be privileged to have. He was with me when I lost my mother, Danny's mother, the birth of my grandchildren and every time I needed someone to just be there for me...he was. Silently laying his head on my feet to reassure me I was not alone, never asking more from me than to be loved in return and to have his ears rubbed. That's it. No taking me to task when I screwed up...no raising an eyebrow or judging me...always just loving me.
Mini-schnauzers are, in my opinion, the perfect dog. They don't shed, have very little health problems, joyful, easily trained and are loyal little guys. They live for a long time and in fact, show very little signs of aging until the end. This was my little boy in a fur suit....all 14 pounds of him. He developed SARD overnight and began acting differently. I told myself he was just depressed and it would pass, but I knew when I took him to the vet the news was not going to be good. I also knew that this week I was going to be asked to make a difficult decision. I turned him over to God and asked for His mercy for my baby dog. God listened and answered my prayer. Friday he was acting like his old self and I thought we had maybe turned a corner. That night, shortly after midnight, when I came to bed, I bent down to love him as he lay in his little dog bed and he just gave me a long look. As I climbed into bed and lay there listening to him breathe, I knew it was his last breaths. Somehow you just know.

Danny and I both know that he waited for us to go to sleep...and then he did...quietly and peacefully.

Danny checked on him at 1:30am and our little man was gone...his wonderful, huge heart just stopped. My dear sweet husband had to wait until 4:45 when I awoke to tell me. I know he hadn't slept worrying about me while grieving himself. We both loved this little dog more than words can ever tell. If you have a pet that is like a family member, you know what I'm talking about...if not...I'll offer no excuses of why my heart is hurting right now. You would never understand.

I'll be taking some time to allow myself to grieve and this I do hope you understand. I offer no apologies, only that I loved my dog and am missing him too much to think of little else right now.
We had several names for him and he answered to all of them....Boo, Mister Dog, Little Man, Jakie Dog and an occasional Dammit Dog. Danny had a certain way of whistling when he wanted Jake to come or if he wasn't sitting by the window waiting for the sound of the truck and Danny's footsteps. When Jakie heard that whistle, his little rear would sometimes get ahead of his feet to get to the door. He shared road trips, cookies, french fries and his never ending love with us and I was blessed to have owned (or maybe he owned me) such a beautiful little dog. He taught me patience, how to chase squirrels and what unconditional love truly is. It was the best money we ever spent and the return on our investment was a thousandfold. Good bye my precious Little Man. I know you're waiting by the window to Heaven and I'll see you there someday...I promise.

71 comments:

sissie said...

Oh how my heart is breaking for you Sweetie. I am so sorry that you lost your little man. I know how much we love our pets and how very important they are in our lives.

God Bless You and I'll be thinking of you.

hugs
Sissie

shabbyloft said...

I am so very sorry for you loss. I do understand. My own little man is the love of my life. He is a schneeler..... Part schnauzer and part blue heeler. He is the smartest boy I have ever had. He is 9. This last year he has developed a sensitive stomach. I was worried it might be something worse. I tried all dog foods from the most expensive to the cheapest. He would still get sick about once a week and stop eating for a couple days also stop drinking water. Crazy. I studied on the internet and have now started feeding him brown rice and chicken breast 3 times a day. I add water to his bowl first as he will still not drink his water. As of 2 months he is going strong and no puking!!!!!!!!!!!! I will do this as long as he needs. I know someday I will have to go through the same thing. My heart and more importantly Buford's are with you right now. Keep your senses open and listen... I know he will visit and be waiting to see you again. Love and Prayers, Stanna and Buford (I must say your blog is my first and favorite. I think we are related as you make me laugh so much and I have a Cat Daddy of my own)

Daphne Nicole & Lynda Cade said...

Deb, I'm just crying my eyes out as I'm reading this. I know exactly what your going thru, I've been there myself... my heart is breaking for you! I can tell you from having gone thru this before, that time is the only thing that helped me, you never forget them, nor do you want to but with a lot of time passing it does seem to get easier... and I truly believe that they will be waiting in heaven for us! If you need to talk just give me a call, because I truly understand!
Love you~~ Daphne

Janet said...

i'm so-so sorry. i wish i had the perfect words to say to make it all better. i do firmly believe that *time* is the gift God gave us to heal the heart....

take good care. i will keep you close to my heart and forever in my prayers.

The Texas Woman said...

Me and my little doggies share your grief. To share grief means we'll take on part of yours to lessen your pain just a little.

Love, cher

Kathy said...

Deb, So sorry for the loss of your beloved little dog. Sending hugs to you and prayers for your heart to heal. His sweet spirit will always be with you.

Hugs, Kathy

cindy said...

Oh Deb! My heart is just breaking for you my friend. Losing a fur-baby is soooo hard. And it just leaves a big ol hole in your heart like no other. Sending you hugs and sweet thoughts, I know there will be a time when you will think of him and smile!
Hugs,
-c

Olive Cooper said...

My heart is broken for yours.

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

Deb, I so know how you feel. When I lost my Sally Girl I cried for days and still mourn her. What a special little man he was and I can tell how loved he was. Sorry to read this, call me if you need to talk. BTW, March 12 sure is a special day for so many reasons, right.

Peridots Garden Blog said...

Dearest Deb,

I could feel your tears as I read your post...I will use the words I used when I lost my beloved "Shelby" last April...

"I will feel her gentle breath upon my face at the waking hour, to be greeted at Heaven's gates with her loving spirit, seeing her sitting at my feet no matter what my task was, with her ever present wagging tail and all the while knowing...that she was mine and I was hers...gratefully."

Bless y'all!

Sandy

ALVN of WhisperWood Cottage and Junkologie said...

Tanner is consoling me as I write this through my tears. Dear friends, my heart and prayers go out to you.

Amy

Malisa said...

Oh,friend,I am crying for you now. My heart breaks at the thought of the loss you must feel. A few quotes about dogs came to mind to share with you.

"Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole."

"Many years ago when a dear dog died, a great friend,a bishop, said to me, 'You must always remember that as far as the Bible is concerned,God only threw the humans out of Paradise.'"

"A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than himself."

Thank goodness that you will have beautiful memories of your dear friend!

MALisa

Lori Katies Rose Cottage said...

Oh Deb,
I am sitting her with tears streaming down my face ~
I just adore my precious Shih Tzus and they are truly
little gifts from God that He brings us to show us what
unconditional love is ~
I am so very sorry for the loss of your little sweet baby ~

Lots of hugs and prayers
Lori

Dar said...

As I feel your heart breaking, I pray for peace for you as you Will see your companion again someday. Pets become so much a part of our lives that it is like loosing a soul mate. Stay strong and
BlessYourHearts

Pam @ Frippery said...

Oh Debbie, I am sobbing as I write. Our precious pets can be such dear family members and the hole they leave behind is can never be completely filled. I have lost three sweet doggies as well as several cats. The dogs were by far the hardest. My best boy ever was a terrier mix named Jake as well. He has a little grave in our back clearing with a headstone that says Good Boy. That is what he was. I still grieve him after 14 years. I completely understand how you feel. We lost our Raven girl on New Years day 2007, suddenly. She got sick on New Years Eve and was gone the next day. My heart breaks for you and Danny. Take all the time you need. By all means please consider a new furry friend when you feel ready. It is too bad they can't have longer lives because they bring so much love and joy to ours. I am sending loves and hugs and healing thoughts to you my friend. Love, Pam

clustres said...

I am so sorry. My heart aches for you as I know what you are going through. Prayers for comfort sent your way.
Pam

Cassie said...

Great big hugs to you Deb! My heart goes out to you & Cat Daddy.

Nancy's Notes said...

Oh Deb, a huge heartfelt hug for you. I know there are no words to really help.

Know that I am thinking of you.

Nancy

Tracie~MyPetiteMaison said...

Debbie,
You are in my heart and my prayers. I know words or anything else is any comfort now for you. I will pray for you tonight and for days to come.

I do know Jakie Boy had a loving home and was blessed for loving you and you loving him in return.

Sweetheart, you may want to add his name to the Rainbow Bridge where you can light a candle for him on the web. A very kind blog friend of mine told me to Google Rainbow Bridge when we lost Gigi and I am comforted knowing her name is out there and how we so loved a cat that someone else just threw away. Just Google it if/when you may want to have a remembrance with Danny, just the two of you and light a candle over the web.

Love to you, I hold you in my heart ~Tracie

Theresa said...

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxo

deborah said...

Bless your heart for loving your dog so much. My deepest sympathies on your loss, and it will take much time to heal and start moving again. Take your time, remember the good times, and remember we will be here for you when you are ready. Prayers

Margo said...

I truly understand the level of grief that you have. Our Lord was good to spare you of making the "choice" and your little buddy was so lucky to pass across the rainbow bridge in his own home, bed, and next to those he loved. May your heart be comforted as you adjust to the loss. But rejoice in the blessing that you had him in your life while you did. Our pets bless us beyond understanding.

VINTAGE HOME lifestyle said...

Oh Debbie, I am so sorry for your loss. Our sweet pets are so dear to us. Only time heals that pain. My heart goes out to you. I will light a candle for you, your husband Danny and little Jakie. Take care sweet lady.
Cathleen

Sue said...

At Country Roads I have a jar on the counter that says, "PLEASE HELP OUR FURRY FRIENDS"! We collect money for a group that DOES help our four legged friends. There is SO much I "could" say, but I KNOW how your heart feels right now. Please know I'm thinking of you and understand and accept the pain you feel. But. . .and many times people don't agree with me, I always suggest, go to your local shelter and rescue a little dog that you will fall head over heels in love. You aren't using this little furry friend as a replacement, but you are giving another little dog a "chance" in Jakie Dog's memory. I HOPE you can trust me on this one, because I'm the biggest of big animal lovers and this is ONE thing in my life I know for sure!

Take care my friend,
Sue

Ninny said...

I am so sorry for your loss! So heartbreaking to lose a loved one. I pray that you will be okay. I know you will never forget your little guy, ever.

Liz

Elsina said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure we"ll meet again with our pet-babies in heaven someday. I wish you strength to overcome this difficult time and be thinking of you.

Six in One Hand said...

My heart is with you during this time of grief. I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

sweetpea said...

oh my sweet friend, i am so sorry. we lost a sweet dog this way and i am here to say take all the time you need to grieve. love you girl and so sorry for your loss.

hugs,

shelley

donna baker said...

I hope I go to dog heaven. I feel about my pets like most normal people feel about other people. I don't know why I'm like that, but I feel your deep love of Jakie and your loss and I am so sorry.

FILIGREE MOON said...

Debbie, I am so sorry for the loss of your little bud. We just lost our dachshund in September. She was 16 and a totally loving, very devoted friend. Then in October we very suddenly lost one of our 4 year old pups, a very joyful spark to all who knew her. I truly know the heaviness you are feeling and offer you a big hug. ~ Angela

sassytrash said...

Lots and lots of hugs for you and Danny. Nothing makes this part any easier, does it? I'm going day-by-day with my little white "kitten" of 14 years who could go at any time. I sure feel your grief, and hope you both are comforted in your loss.

time worn interiors said...

Oh sweet Deb! I have tears in my eyes! I am so sorry for your loss! Who ever coined the term MANS BEST FRIEND really knew what he was talking about! I hope you heart heals soon!
Love ya!
TOT

Junk Exchange said...

Oh, Deb .. I am so sorry. I know your mind is reeling and it must be hard to read all these comments through your broken heart. I know your pain. I want to say something encouraging, but words fail. Hold him tight in your dreams and memories. He will be waiting for you. Feel the love and understanding of your friends and know he was the best little doggie in the world. I am so sorry. All my best. Troy

Ruby Grace's said...

I am so sorry to hear about your buddy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Denis

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

Sweet Deb, I understand...oh how I understand...and my heart is breaking for you and I am crying reading this...those of us who love animals know that they are so much more than just a pet....they ARE members of our family.... I will say prayers for both of you as you try and adjust to life without him...

Much love...

Lou Cinda

A Cottage Muse said...

So, so sorry for your loss. Big hug to you both.

xoxo

DEB said...

Oh Deb..hon..I am trying to type thru the tears..I know no words can really comfort you...
I do know how you feel...lost a yorkie once.years ago...byt my heart still breaks when I think of him! We're dog lovers here..we have 2
BIG hugs & kisses to you & your family sweets!
So Sorry for your loss..
Love & Hugs..
Deb XOXOXO

Anne Lorys - Fiona and Twig said...

I understand and I grieve with you, my friend.

Much love,
Anne

Miss Gracie's House said...

I,too, am so sorry...
Rene

Deb said...

I'm so sorry I know how you feel we had to put our 10 year old heeler down this year..he had developed a leaky heart valve...then we found out our schnauzer Nolan who is 8 is diabetic...and has to have insulun shots twice a day....schauzers are the best ....we have 2...and love them so much...they are our babies

My Grama's Soul said...

Words cannot express enough grief when one looses their best friend and pet!!! I have one of my own....and know someday I will be facing this exact situation.

Gentle hugs to you dear lady,

Jo

SuzyMcQ said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Those of us who have loved and lost a pet know the deep sadness and sense of loss that you feel. Sending strength and deepest sympathy to you and your family. Godspeed Jakie Dog.

Laura said...

Oh Deb- I didn't know -
I was driving all day to my daughter's.
Words don't suffice.
I am thinking of you-

laura

Shabby Vintage Junk said...

Oh Deb I am so VERY sorry for your loss....I have a 'liitle man' too & I OFTEN think how it will be when I need to 'let him go'....Know that I understand PEFECTLY well how you're both feeling & can ONLY hope your pain, as keen & sharp as it is now will dull QUICKLY to the 'roar' you can endure without tears....!

Big BIG WARM Aussie hugs comin' your way,
Tamarah xxx

Glenda said...

Deb, tears for you and your loss.

~G~hugs over and over

Jacqueline said...

So sorry to hear! My heart and blessings go out to you.

thedomesticfringe said...

Debbie, My heart is sad with you. I'm saying a prayer of comfort for you right now.

I am so very sorry my friend.
-FringeGirl

Beth Leintz said...

Oh Deb, I have tears in my eyes- so sorry for your loss. Our dogs are part of the family and losing one makes a house way too quiet.

Zita - Mlle Magpie said...

Dear Debbie, I'm so sorry for you. He sounds like the best dog you could ever ask for. Take care, my sweet friend.

LaurieAnna's Vintage Home said...

Sweet Debbie, my heart just aches for you right now. The tears in my eyes are so big that I can scarcely type. No matter how much we try, nothing can prepare us for the loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss and am sending you big hugs. Time and prayers are the ultimate healer. Take comfort in knowing that he will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge when it is your time to go home. My sweet precious friend.....I wish I could make it better for you.

Godspeed to you and Cat Daddy, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Much Love,

Laurie

countrycharisma said...

Deb, I just read your last post and was tiery eyed all through it. I am so sorry about your little man. We lost our special little man when we moved to TN in 2000. We have others now, but there are always special memories for that faithful friend. That is the best part...the memories. Praying for you as you grieve. God bless you. Carrell

Carole said...

I am a puddle of tears Debbie. i know how tough it can be to lose a pet. We feel so helpless when the time comes. Feel comfort that you gave him all the love you have and I know that was A LOT!
This was such a lovely tribute to little Jakie and I know he will be there waiting for you tail wagging in Heaven someday.
Take all the time you need sweety!
Love you,
Carole

Red Shed Cottage Chic Antiques said...

Oh my goodness, my heart if broken! Deb, I am so sorry for your loss. You do know that our animals go to heaven and wait on us just like our family members, right? I know it doesn't help now, but at least you know you will see him again and kiss his sweet puppy face.
Love you both,
Valarie

David said...

I haven't been in blogland lately, but Mindy let me know about Jakie. I'm so sorry to hear this. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

Myrna said...

My heart goes out to you, Deb! We lost our beloved golden retriever 8 years ago, and I remember the agony I felt over losing him. Now we have Winston, a King Charles Cavelier who brings such joy to our lives. You are right..they ARE a family member and you need to grieve. My prayers are with you and your family.
Blessings,
Myrna

The Sweet Pea Collection said...

I fell in love with you as a puppy and still
had a crush on you as a Sr Citizen with 'tude...Rest in Peace...little guy...you always made me laugh..
I'll be looking for you when I walk thru "your" gate in the backyard...
xxxooo
Gloria

karlascottage.typepad.com said...

I'm so sorry.

The Flying Bee said...

Oh Debbie, I am so very sorry. I hadn't been by and just read about it today. My heart goes out to you and Danny. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love you so much,
Adrienne

Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

Debbie & Cat Daddy, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't fathom how much pain you're in. Cody, the other half of my interspecies family, is 12 and showing signs of age. I'll draw comfort from your post during his final days, which I hope are far off. I'm reassured that he went peacefully and at home.

Rebecca said...

Oh I am so sorry you lost your friend and companion. It is so hard, I know, I haven't had another dog since Freedom.
Will be holding you and your hubby up in my thoughts and prayers
Love you
Rebecca

Gypsy Heart said...

I just read this and I am so very sorry for your loss. There is no pain like losing a fur baby...they are in our hearts and really like another family member.

I will say prayers for you and hope that the healing begins soon. You will never forget him but time allows your heart to heal.

Pat

Anonymous said...

I do not know you and you do not know me but I know exactly what you have been going through. I was given a kitten the 1st Christmas after my dad died. I had him until his 21st birthday when he died after he struggled with kidney disease for 3 years. He was my world, and I missed him more than anyone I had even known - he was my best friend, my child, my confidant. I had 3 other cats when I lost him, but that did not matter - they are all individuals - one is not interchangeable with another. But thank goodness I did have the other 3, because the house was so empty even with the 3 of them here. I had to take 5 days off from work because of grief and being unable to concentrate on anything except caring for the other cats. That was almost one & 1/2 years ago, and I am crying as I write this now because I stiil miss him so. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope the passing of time eases your pain this year. Mary in Lake Highlands in Dallas

Olde Tyme Marketplace said...

Oh Debbie girl~
I just wish I could give you a hug. There's no words to describe how sorry I am for you. I know the sadness in your heart is heavy. You are in my prayers.
Beth

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

We all feel your grief with our tears today. (((((hugs)))))))))

Lisa Phillippi llelsik@aol.com said...

My heart goes out to you...I am so sorry! Take your time in greiving...I will say a prayer for you!

FRENCH LAUNDRY said...

Darlin, this is what happens when I take a little Blogiday. I'm so sorry to hear about your little fella. I know he leaves a big hole where once a precious little dog was. I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and Cat Daddy. Until we got Bella the Yorkie this summer, I never knew how much a person could love a little furkid. Now I know. Hugs across the miles...

Judy

Tami SouthStreetShabby.blogspot.com said...

Awwwwe Deb...I so know what you're going through! I had to make a hard decision in July about my kitty-daughter of 21 years. Until recently, you'd never know she was very old, she was very petite and looked as young as she acted. Doc said it was the right thing to do and it tore me to pieces. I was so afraid that I'd wake in the morning or come home from work to find her and that she'd had to go it alone, that the decision was made. She lived like a princess and passed like a queen... I still think I hear her or that she's still around...something hard to break after 21 years. Time does heal...
All the best...*Tami

J Hill Designs said...

I have not been on the computer lately and I did not know about your lose. I am so sorry!! Hope to see you this weekend. Probably be good for you to get out and about. Hugs, Judy

The Green Pea said...

Dear Debbie, I am so sorry to hear your sad news.
You and Danny were so blessed to have such a good dog. I love my dog too. He is getting older and I sometimes think of how much I will miss him someday. I understand you need your along time.
Warm hugs, sandi

Low Tide High Style said...

Oh Debbie, I just read this and my heart breaks for you and your entire family. Dog, and pets in general, give us so much more than we can ever give back. Losing one is like losing a piece of our heart! Our oldest dog is not well and I know the day will come when we will have to let her go, and like you I pray nature will make that choice and we won't have to. Your sweet Jakie was just as lucky to have you as you were to have him, and I'm sure he is smiling down upon you and wishing you joy instead of pain right now! Keeping you in my thoughts!

Kat

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled across your blog page and I immediately connected to it. I love your gift of words and expressions. As I read on, I realized I have other connections: my miniature white schnauzer (did I spell that right?)! His name is Boo! He is the subject of most of my photography settings. HA! I am in much need of some photography help. My teenager daughters say I am technology challenged, and I agree.:(
I am very new to the world of blogging, but you are welcome to see pictures of Boo on my blog. I have only shared my blog with,... well my sister and my two daughters. YIKES. This is scary being out there. Maybe I will just follow for awhile longer.
Anyway, I love your blog. I can't wait to read older post and catch up! Thanks for sharing.