Tuesday, June 1, 2010

WANTED: For Junk & Disorderly Behavior!

BREAKING NEWS!

Attention all Junkers...this just in:

An APJB has been issued for the following individual. Last seen traveling the highways between Terrell and Athens Texas armed with a glue AND staple gun. Care should be taken when approaching suspect as she is known to have an itchy trigger finger.
DESCRIPTION:

DOB: 5-19...older than whodathoughtit

HT: Should be 5'1", but due to excessive slumping...shotgun sized...4'10"

WT: None of your business, but if you must know...a hundred & plenty

BUILD: Short legged, short tempered, short of breath and short fused

HAIR: Some, but thinning due to excessive hair pulling the last two weeks

EYES: Blurry and bloodshot

SEX: Are you kidding?!?!

MARKS/ID: Walks with a slight limp; chipped red nails, mumbles to herself, reeks of Briwax, big honkin' jewelry

ALIAS: Nana, Trash, Mama Kitty, Mrs. Cat, Mom, Sugar Britches

Last seen wearing filthy pigtails, a pair of "seen-better-days" bedazzled capri jeans, a dingy, too tight t-shirt reading "PMS24-7", ratty leopard Yellow Boxes, and a Junk Gypsies' "Mama Tried" ball cap.

REWARD: 25% off anything in her and Cat Daddy's booth at W&T's...cash or check on Saturday.
She has been spotted prowling in the back yard at 804 Ninth St, Terrell, Texas where the DEBRIZ sale will be held June 10&11. She is known to have at least two partners in her antics answering to the names of Liz and Fran. Extreme caution should be used upon approaching any of these suspects of junk pandering...they are all just a little bit crazy for doing two events back-to-back and could implode without warning.
She was seen leaving Winnie & Tulula's late Sunday where she had been running amuck getting ready for the Junk & Disorderly Sale/Sidewalk Sale/Birthday Bash event this Saturday June 5, 2010.
She was able to elude apprehension and is still at large, running the roads, leaving mayhem...and flyers...in her wake.
She was able to make a clean getaway in a red pickup with license plates reading "2DIE4".
Gloria, proprietress of The Sweet Pea Collection, agreed to questioning, but pleaded for a fifth and would not give away the suspect's hideaway.
If found, please return to Cat Daddy immediately as he is out of clean underwear and will have to resort to turning them inside out. This could result in an issuance of a warrant for his arrest for crimes against humanity.
Please be on the lookout Saturday at Winnie & Tulula's as she...along with all the other Fab U Lous vendors...is considered a raving maniac and will be wheelin' and dealin'!

34 comments:

Prior said...

I love reading your blog~ You are the cat's meow! Lezlee

AuroraSuzette said...

You are too funny, and a blast to read. Never ever quit blogging unless that book deal materializes. And not even then. If apprehended, have you figured out who'd be willing to let go of shoppin' cash and post bail? Is that really your license plate? Wonder if it's taken in Washington. I could live with being your copy cat, pun intended, Deb!!

Sue said...

Great post and thanks for the big ass smile you just put on my face!!

Take care my friend,
Sue

The Green Pea said...

Hello Debbie, I see you are doing well. Hope that your sales go well. Sounds like a lot of fun. Everyone getting ready to deal. That will give a shop a chance to get a new look. It is always fun to bring in new things...Happy Sales, sandi

Primitiques 'n Poetry said...

We will have to compare notes on who is nuttier. I don't remember my last free weekend. Before Zapp, I imagine. And who sits still before Zapp? Ok. I'm tired just talking about it. I'll be the sweaty, tired one Saturday. See you then! ~Mindy

David said...

This should be interesting!

FILIGREE MOON said...

Eeeee! Thanks for the laugh! Wish I could attend the big sales, but the dailies are overwhelming of late! Y'all have a grand time and a super sale. ~ Angela

Rebecca said...

Hey Girl, If you ever need a hide out here in Chicago we are used to the lawbreaking junkers and you are always welcome...
You crack me up!
Good luck with your sale...
Blessings
Rebecca

Debra@Common Ground said...

Debbie, Sttooooopppp! I'm laughing, and you're making my face hurt!!!!
What a mental picture I have! I think we're the same height, sad, isn't it?
love ya, wish I was there!
Debra

FRENCH LAUNDRY said...

As always, you tickle my funny bone Debbie!

Good to see you,
Judy

Junebug said...

Oh girl you crack me up! Sorry but I'm not posting bail but you could start the 12 step program for your junk addictions that lead to unusual behavior. I won't part with my shopping cash. TX is a little far this weekend so I'm head out for a short 7 hr trip to Farm Chicks in Spokane. Come on out sometime!!! The NW could always us another nut!

Theresa @ 612Riverside said...

Best way to start my day! You are so funny! Thanks for the laughs, now I better get my kids off to school. They say thanks for putting a smile on moms face this morning too! Theresa

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

You forgot the alias "Ms. Trash"? I so wish I could be at W&T's for the sale, but will be on the look out for you and L&F's.

Zita - Mlle Magpie said...

I just wish I could be where it's all happening, Deb. Great post!

Dar said...

What a HOOT to read of your antics. I love, Love, LOVED this entry. You sure know how to throw it out there and pile it high. Thanks for the laughs. You really should warn folks of entering with caution as to not slip and fall in all the bull....! Have an AWESOME sale. Sure wish you weren't 2000 miles away.
BlessYourHearts

Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

You are hilarious, as usual. LOVE the line "pleaded for a fifth"! Sell it to the floorboards, sweetie! XOX

vintage girl at heart said...

You make me wanna move south to Texas!!!
I missed your Birthday so happy bleated oops Belated I meant..y'all don't have too much fun this weekend!!
Blessings~

Anne - Fiona and Twig said...

I'm still laughing at the "are you kidding" answer to "sex"! I understand the feeling!!!!

XOXO,
Anne

junk gypsies said...

YOU CRAZY WILD WOmAN you!!!!!! we will send underwear PRONTO!!!! XoXOxoxo, the junk gypsies

Faded Charm said...

You always make me laugh! I so wish I could come to your big sale this weekend and most of all meet you in person. i have a feeling it would be well worth it.

Take care and Good luck!

Kathleen

Janet said...

i had no clue who you were talking about until you got to *big honkin' jewelry* and then i knew...it's not ME so it must be YOU! heehee! SELL IT ALL! and then go shoppin'!

Nancy's Notes said...

You crack me up lady!! I had to go lookin' for ya! Geesh, I don't know why you don't show up on my dashboard when you post! Irritating! You are a follower! I follow you! I'll have to figure it out! Bugs the you know what out of me!

Nancy

deborah said...

oh dear, you have me LAUGHING OUT LOUD!! Please tell Cat Daddy that WalMart sells undies..you have more important things to do right now:) I heart that chair...really really really do...

Scrappy Doo said...

Wish I could go!!! Have fun, rest, and have a great time :-)
Hey still lookin for a sink/ bathroom vanity if ya run across one

bella said...

Hey Miss Deb ,
How you have the energy and the wherewithal to be such a crack up is just beyond me? I know you've been working hard.
Are you ready? It's going to be so much fun. I wish I was headed South to see you. Have a great sale.
xoxo
Sue
I agree with Anne :0)

The Flying Bee said...

You are hilarious! I just love you! Can't wait to see ya on Saturday!

Hugs,
Adrienne

Laura said...

Crazy-just crazy!
Don't get yourself in a bind and take Aleve as needed.

Laura Belle

Jodie (everything vintage) said...

You are OUT OF CONTROL!
Hilarious out of control!
Outragious out of control!
and of course, INGENIOUS out of control!
Have fun this weekend girlie...and no need on my part to tell you to behave as you and I know damn well it ain't gonna happen!
:))))
oh...thanks for the hint. Now I know that you and my brother share the same birthday. Duly noted and happy late birthday!!!!!
:))))

unique unique design said...

Debbie, you are nuts and always good for a belly laugh. Keep it up...it's good for the heart to laugh like that!! Am helping with a wedding Saturday, so can't make your sale. Hope it is great for all involved! Right now I have to go run around with my granddaughter!
marcie

Malisa said...

Isn't it nice to be WANTED? Yes! But not WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE! By the way, I hope you are still alive by the 11th! You are killing yourself, girl...not to mention Cat Daddy! Every time I see a blue and read flashing or hear a siren this week, I will wonder if you have been apprehended! I will be watching the news. I want to see if you have a good mug shot!:)

Malisa

Pam @ Frippery said...

Deb, you make my day! I was laughing like a loon at this one. The pictures I had in my head were just a riot! Love ya, Pam

Terra said...

You are so stinkin' funny lady. Wish I lived closer. I would so be there. Good luck! Can't wait to meet you in person some day. You just shine a little happiness on my day just when I need it.

gretchen said...

I am no where close to your area, but if i was...I'd be there!

you sound like a total kick in the pants kinda' gal, that works for me!

terra @ willowsgrace.blogspot.com said...

glad you stopped by my blog. Don't know how to respond back so just thought i would leave a comment somewhere. You and I would have a blast and probably get into trouble. Wish I lived in Oklahoma still so I could get to Texas and meet ya and all ya'll's friends. Can't wait to have a pickup truck like your picture and be Sanford and Son . That;s what my husband says the back bedroom is startin to look like. Have a great weekend! I am going to an auction tomorrow with the auctioneer who even hauled all my stuff back to my housea couple of weeks ago. Must really have wanted to get rid of it.He wasn't creepy or I would have thought he was hitting on me. Was my dad's age anyway or older. I think I was just quite entertaining that day. I offered up 8 for a chair in the middle of the bidding. He just laughed and said "are you the one that yelled that? Ok.... 8 ... 16; I got it for 9. My husband was gone and thought that was quite funny. Probably not happy with my crapload of junky junk. Junk wouldn't fit in my trunk though. Too much junk in there already no pun intended. ha ha Boy! I need to get to bed. Sounding nuts on here. Other commenters probably think I am for sure.