Attention all Junkers...this just in:
An APJB has been issued for the following individual. Last seen traveling the highways between Terrell and Athens Texas armed with a glue AND staple gun. Care should be taken when approaching suspect as she is known to have an itchy trigger finger.
DOB: 5-19...older than whodathoughtit
HT: Should be 5'1", but due to excessive slumping...shotgun sized...4'10"
WT: None of your business, but if you must know...a hundred & plenty
BUILD: Short legged, short tempered, short of breath and short fused
HAIR: Some, but thinning due to excessive hair pulling the last two weeks
EYES: Blurry and bloodshot
SEX: Are you kidding?!?!
MARKS/ID: Walks with a slight limp; chipped red nails, mumbles to herself, reeks of Briwax, big honkin' jewelry
ALIAS: Nana, Trash, Mama Kitty, Mrs. Cat, Mom, Sugar Britches
Last seen wearing filthy pigtails, a pair of "seen-better-days" bedazzled capri jeans, a dingy, too tight t-shirt reading "PMS24-7", ratty leopard Yellow Boxes, and a Junk Gypsies' "Mama Tried" ball cap.
REWARD: 25% off anything in her and Cat Daddy's booth at W&T's...cash or check on Saturday.
She has been spotted prowling in the back yard at 804 Ninth St, Terrell, Texas where the DEBRIZ sale will be held June 10&11. She is known to have at least two partners in her antics answering to the names of Liz and Fran. Extreme caution should be used upon approaching any of these suspects of junk pandering...they are all just a little bit crazy for doing two events back-to-back and could implode without warning.
She was seen leaving Winnie & Tulula's late Sunday where she had been running amuck getting ready for the Junk & Disorderly Sale/Sidewalk Sale/Birthday Bash event this Saturday June 5, 2010.
She was able to elude apprehension and is still at large, running the roads, leaving mayhem...and flyers...in her wake.
She was able to make a clean getaway in a red pickup with license plates reading "2DIE4".
Gloria, proprietress of The Sweet Pea Collection, agreed to questioning, but pleaded for a fifth and would not give away the suspect's hideaway.
If found, please return to Cat Daddy immediately as he is out of clean underwear and will have to resort to turning them inside out. This could result in an issuance of a warrant for his arrest for crimes against humanity.
Please be on the lookout Saturday at Winnie & Tulula's as she...along with all the other Fab U Lous vendors...is considered a raving maniac and will be wheelin' and dealin'!