Sunday, June 7, 2009

Nearing Extinction...A Good Man

As I told y'all in the previous post, Cat Daddy and I got married in August.  You'd think we would have chosen a better month...or at least a cooler one, but being young and stupid...we didn't.  What can I say...the thermometer wasn't the only thing experiencing a hot spell.  Since it is summertime and since the shows on TV can get away with repeats, I thought I'd repeat a few C.D. posts leading up to the 10th...the day the magic began!

If you've read them before...humor an old lady. If you haven't...be kind...and remember my giveaway for a red.neck chic pendant will be going on until then.  So without further ado...a trip down memory lane.


As a young girl, it was always my dream to possess the ultimate extreme pet...a Cat Daddy. Upon arriving at adulthood, I felt that I was more than ready to accept the responsibility of catching and caring for one. Imagine my horror to discover that they had been placed on the endangered species list along with the bison, Northern spotted owl and the numbat. I knew time was of the essence and I had to begin my pursuit in earnest. Cat Daddies by nature are elusive animals, but have been known to mate for life. They themselves are unaware of this fact until introduced into a suitable and loving home. Cat Daddies are of the class mammalia, primata order, genus Homo and species sapiens. They are mainly carnivores and can be observed perched high in deer stands for hours stalking their prey. They can be found on any given weekend prowling the aisles of Home Depot, Bass Pro Shop and Lowe's. They also can be found at local watering holes such as the "It'll Do" and the "Last Call", gathering in packs collectively known as Cheeseheads, Red Raiders, Aggies and Parrotheads to name a few.Based on scientific research performed by a large group of women, they appear to have evolved from scum to worms to lounge lizards to turkeys. From that point, a strange turn of events occurred evolving them even further into rats, pigs, jackasses and dirty dogs until the last step occurred which resulted in two distinct animals...wolves and cat daddies.Cat Daddies, once in captivity, are quick to adapt to their surroundings. They can be house broken, trained to fetch and will attempt to mimic speech. A caveat must be inserted at this point. They are so good at learning new words, they will pick up certain colorful phrases not usually acceptable in polite society.While easily domesticated, they do have several bad habits that cannot be undone. They are known to pass gas frequently, talk with their mouths full and scratch themselves any time and any where there is an itch. Many attempts have been made to rectify these peculiarities with little success. They all appear to be color blind and cannot be left alone to dress themselves. To do so results in unusual coloration such as, but not limited to, black socks and sandals partnered with shorts, Hawaiian shirts and the occasional leisure suit from the 1970's. When setting a trap to ensnare a cat daddy, caution should always be observed. They are always skittish around the opposite sex and are more relaxed around good buddies, but I have found some sure fire methods for entrapment and I am more than happy to share this information.Cat Daddies respond to games involving balls of all types, over-sized television screens, gadgets, Nascar, power tools and the lure of beer. If one is found at an antique auction, the sound of "Sold" can be a mating call. The remote control and fishing rods are favorite toys and hard to pry out of their hands.
They will invariably follow the smell of a new car/truck, Frito chili pie, Spam and grilling steaks. If all else fails, the sound of a beer being popped open will bring them in droves. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to feed them a salad at the risk of driving them into the hills.
The merits of owning a Cat Daddy far outweigh the time and effort required for training one. They are loyal, loving, fiercely protective, very territorial and are perfect for a home with children. They are capricious, level headed and will more than earn their keep. They are excellent pack animals for shopping and vacations. At times they can appear gruff, but this is a defense mechanism and are actually quite gentle when handled with loving care. Extreme caution should always be observed to never neglect them as this could lead to them straying from their own back yard. To prevent this, always speak to them in a loving voice as much as possible, reward their efforts to please and stroke their egos from time to time.
I am happy to report that over 35 years ago, I successfully found my Cat Daddy at an undisclosed location and have been more than pleased with my extreme pet ever since. Oh and by the way...I named him Danny Ray!

I'd like to thank Trish at the Domestic Fringe for letting me participate in the Pet Carnival and a special thanks to the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.
I hope y'all don't mind me posting reruns, but it's just too hot to think!

BTW...if you're planning any safaris of your own in the future...I could be available to lead it.  Just call me Bwana at 1-800-GET-ACAT.

31 comments:

Tootsie said...

ha ha!!! mine is a pain in the ass! and maybe not so good of a pet most times! maybe I should send him to you to train?

misselaineous said...

Hey Debbie! Thanks for the laughs first thing on a Sunday Morning! Cat Daddy sounds like a keeper...mine too, although he can be a bit of a P.I.T.A as well! We've got our 35th!!! coming up in August, and I'm still not ready to trade him in! Have a great day! *elaine*

cityfarmer said...

a handsome CD, too!

Bonnie said...

This is a great post and Baby Bella is precious in her pink onsie.

Joan said...

So great to wake up to a laugh!! I know that Cat Daddy is a KEEPER! xo Joan

The Tattered Cottage said...

I guess I'm going hunting today for a Cat Daddy!!! LOVE your stories, you put pen to paper well or should I say type to blogging well!! Thanks for making my Sunday great. Luv ya!
Toni

The Green Pea said...

Debbie, very funny post. I am so happy that you know and appreciate how wonderful CD is. Great catch, I want to met him sometime when I am visiting TX. Of course I want to meet you as well. Have a blessed Sunday, and thanks for a good laugh this morning. Sandi

Primitiques 'n Poetry said...

Debbie, great writing, great post! So well done! And how lucky Cat Daddy is to be cherished by you. Y'all are a fine example of love. ~Mindy

Sue said...

Hysterical. Gotta trap me one of them buggers

Moonlight Hollow Musings said...

I knew that Danny was a real animal...I just didn't know what kind! I noticed that you were very kind in totally avoiding describing the natural toilet habits of the Cat Daddy and the way that Cat Daddies mark their territory! I agree that they are tough animals to catch and even tougher to house break and train, but once you have them housebroken and trained not to wander from the yard, they are excellent companions! CONGRATS on finding your Cat Daddy! You two are cuter than puppies in a box! May you have many more happy days together...if you don't kill him from moving big old piece of furniture all over the country! Remember to give him water and take him out for a walk!

Malisa

Margo said...

You are so cute, what a great story of how you found your Cat Daddy. Glad you didn't settle for a Dirty Dog.

Will you be at Judy's on Thur? I will, love her displays.

I'm sure i'll see you at W&T this week sometime.
It's so exciting.
Margo

Jodie LeJeune said...

Shit! (can I say that on here?) I just spit out my tea and half way died of choking!
This has got to be the BEST post ever...very ingenius as only the female species can achieve!
You are amazing girl...selling antiques is NOT your calling!
I'm going clean up this tea mess. And I think I will print this post and hang it on my wall.
Happy Anniversary to you two...you make quite a couple!
everything vintage

delighted heart said...

SO glad you are keeping him after 36 years! In the almost 33 years we've been married I've discovered that they BECOME what you CALL them...hence Mr. Hero! SO glad you found your Cat Daddy (or at least that's what he's become!) Happy Anniversary to you both and wishing you many more blessed years together! Now I'm off to water the 5 pallets of grass we laid yesterday!
Hugs!
Patti

Frippery said...

Happy 36th! OMG Debbie, this is your best post ever. So clever the way you snared and trained your CD. You are gonna kill me from laughter! Keep it up. Did you ever think of doing stand up? Hugs, Pam

lorhen82 said...

Debbie, you are such a clever, clever girl! Loved this post...very cute! And happy 36 years to you and the elusive Cat Daddy! ~Lori

Janet said...

Lucky girl....and....lucky Cat Daddy!

Cher said...

You're a lucky woman. If you ever need help keepin' Laurie away, just call me. Or is it Lulu. I get so confused!

The Texas Woman

anythinggoeshere said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting on my gutter end cap wire cage. It will be interesting if it becomes a blog "HIT" Then we can sit back and enjoy the hoopla. xo Joan

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

I was wondering why CD was all cheery eyed today and doing his happy dance now I know why.... great post. Many more Happy years together!!

thedomesticfringe said...

Debbie, this is by far the most creative post!!! So very funny. You did a great job catching and keeping your Cat Daddy. Thanks for playing along. I'm so glad you did!

-FringeGirl

Scrappy Doo said...

OMG! That was brilliant!
true and funny

Cassie said...

After months of lurking I simply HAVE to comment, you totally knocked it out of the ballpark with this post! I'm finding I can't wait to see what you'll write next, so funny. I gotta get down to Texas to meet you in person. Thanks for making my day and congrats on the many years of wedded bliss!

Tootsie said...

my assistant likes it if I click on your blog...she loves the photo of Bella! Hope you have a wonderful day!

David said...

And Cat Daddy is a man's man too. Please thank him for me for helping me with the heavy concrete planters on Sunday. And Mindy was excited about what she bought at that place CD told her about off Hwy 19. We appreciate you guys! We'll see you guys at the grand opening!

Tamis said...

Sounds like you hit the jackpot with your Cat Daddy. I think I personally might have a hybrid version. He does not have all the traits but certainly a few...He will eat a salad but if you need to find him just pop a beer. He will show up!

Zita - Mlle Magpie said...

Can't wait to meet this man when I come down in September!

Hayley said...

You (and Flannery O'Connor!) are so right--a good man is hard to find. I'm lucky I found mine 13 years ago. He does not, however, share my love of junking, so you are extra lucky.

Junkin' Yaya said...

I have laughed so hard....that I have tears in my eyes! Even my "Cat Daddy" wanted to know what in the world was wrong with me? Told him I was passing some time with you...and he just rolled his eyes and said "I understand." :)

Great blog and congrats! (Also thanks again for droppin' by the yaya!)

xo...deb

lulu Redstar & Lauri Evans said...

well, late as usual...Congrats on the milestone....I know where you found your Cat Daddy...some honky tonk which a Prissy Cat like you should never have been in in the first place...Trash-y!
xooxxoox lulu

Lou Cinda said...

Debbie ~ love this post!! I have been married three times in this order: first I married a dumb ass ~ THEN I married a lying cheating ass ~ then I found my prince!! My sweetheart Steve! Such a caring, sweet, laid back, easy, very devoted guy! We are lucky women girl!!!

Have a great week!

Lou Cinda :)

Anita said...

You are so lucky to have found your Cat Daddy and he is so lucky you found him too! Cause now he is revered by all your friends- and Cats LOVE that....

Anita