All Jacked Up And Jumpy To Boot

Anyone interested in the latest a-TIRE for luaus?

And so begins the first installment of the fall 2011 edition of "As The Wheel Turns".

Episode I...The Pick-A-Part starring those two lovable lug-heads...Trash and Cat Daddy.

Sure hope y'all are gonna get to come by Zapp Hall.  I'm thinking the man could use a hug right about NOW!

Talk at y'all soon.

Party Jumper

Whoa Nelly...you caught me!

Just putting myself together a little ensemb' for my Pop's big ol' Cat Daddy 60th Birthday Jamboree, September 24th at Nana's tent at the Greatest Show On Dirt.

Oh yeah...wouldn't miss this for love or money.  Not even a Yo Gabba Gabba marathon could keep me home!

Whaaa?

Don't judge...a diaper paired with pink kicks (and an official Nana-do) is all the rage in my neck o'the woods.

Besides...my Pop has an outfit just like it...so there!

Play your cards right...I'll even pack an extra Pull-Up just for you.

Psst...I can be bribed with tortilla soup...just saying.

See you at Zapp.

Just as soon as I...can...get...this...tootsie....IN!

One Jumped Over The Cuckoo's Nest

It seems amid all the excitement of getting ready for the Greatest Show on Dirt, I've neglected to tell y'all some huge news. 

By now, I know you've been reminded of SweetT's Blog Party and are doing whatever it takes to be there.  The guests she has lined up are amazing...but that's not my huge news.

And I know everybody and their dogs are making plans to attend the Junk Gypsys' Prom.  This over-the-top-junk-a-rama-event just keeps getting bigger and better (kinda like Texas hair)..but that's not my huge news.

Then there's the big buzz story of the year concerning a certain little TV network making their presence known at Zapp Hall.  You've heard the rumors...does HGTV ring a bell?   It's true y'all...in Zapp Field...with their own tent...but that's not my huge news.

So now maybe you're thinking what on earth could be bigger than all this...right?

Well...maybe not bigger...but definitely huge...in my world!

The one...the only...the cat in the hat...my very own Cat Daddy will be turning 60 on September 24th which by coinkydink just happens to be during the show!

Before you say it, much less think it...yes...I am older than he is and no...this won't give you younger chicks a leg up on trying to steal him.  I may not be as good as I once was, but I'm good once as I ever was...so back off sister!

He I told myself, "Self...if ever you had a great excuse to throw a party...this is it!"  Never one to pass on a golden opportunity...that's what I'm gonna do!

Consider this your official, hand-engraved (feel that embossing?) invitation to a sideshow the likes of which may never be seen again in the Field o'Dreams... or as I like to call it...the Mother Ship!

If you're planning on being at the shows, I hope you drop by and see us, but I really want you to try and come by the evening of September 24, around six-ish and wish the big man a happy birthday.  Hint...just think sixty at six.

There'll be cake, but no candles.  Sorry y'all, but (A)...ain't that many candles in Texas and (B)...gotta think about the wildfires and burn bans before sparking that cake.  Not to worry...I got it covered.  I figured y'all could all just gather 'round the cake with your cell phones and let him try and blow them lights out.  The sight of him huffing and puffing should take care of the entertainment too.  Look at me...I am such a party organizer!

So it's a date...right?  We're easy to find in the Zapp Hall field.  Our tent is located to the right of Royer's Cafe (can you say yum?) and directly in front of the Beer Garden where there is always a party going on.  Look for the Bubble Lounge, sniff the air for butter cream frosting, listen for laughter...and voila.  You've found us under the Texas stars, where the sky goes on for ever...and so do we.

(Did I mention we got a heck of a load this time...but this ain't it!)

BTW...know how I love to say "Come for the junk, stay for the party"?  This time I really think you should take me at my word!

THAT AIN'T ALL FOLKS!!!

Jump In The Lake? What Lakes?

Y'all might want to go and put your roller skates on for this post 'cause I'm giving you fair warning...it's gonna be all over the place!

Down here in Texas, sure as shootin', there are certain facts that never change.  If it's summer...it's gonna be hot.  If it's late summer...the greatest show on dirt is not far behind.  Combine those two facts and you got one chubby lady in dire need of a shower and a manicure.  That's under normal circumstances, but...if we change the equation up and make that 68 days of 100+ temperatures leading up to late summer...Voila...you get one, hot mess!  Trust me...even in Texas...this goes above and beyond even our normal daily dose of vitamin D.

Normally, I work a little each morning during the dog days of summer, prepping our load and pacing myself.  When Cat Daddy gets home in the evening, he and I will generally go outside and work a little more.  It'll be hot, but it's bearable.  This summer...ummm...not so much.  With overnight temps falling to barely under 90 degrees, it's been a tough row to hoe. 

Thankfully, the good Lord was shopping with us and saw to it we didn't purchase many projects in need of a lot of prepping and most doubly thankfully, He sent cooler temps this week.  I'll be working like a bat outta H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks this week to finish up the load and get it ready for ol' C.D. to load.  He's been trying to load as he could, but it's been tough.  It gets hot in that sweat box of an enclosed trailer...mighty hot! 

Needless to say, I'll be out in the back forty from can 'til can't, preventing me from being around much on here with y'all.  Although I got enough mouth for two people, unfortunately I only come equipped with one pair of hands and one brain...and more often than not...only half of one of those at best!  Can you say Squirrel?

(In case you were wondering about the photos in this post...it's my way of saying thank you to Gayle at A Vintage Green Life.  She held a unique giveaway on her blog that required nothing from her readers...other than friendship.  How cool is that?  I was thrilled when she pulled my name out of a old suitcase for this pendant, but the real luck was being included as a friend.  Thank you Gayle and thank you for thinking outside the ol' box on how to hold a giveaway!  BTW...if you think this idea is clever...you oughta see what else she dreams up...Ohmylanta!

The bookies are now making odds on how many excuses I can dream up to wear this cute necklace while at Zapp.  Care to wager a bet?)

Before I can wear it and be a big ol' showoff...I first got to get stuff ready to make the trip to my favorite playground.  Sadly, the only way to accomplish this Herculean task is to quarantine myself to the workshop....even if it means chaining myself to the sander.  I'm gonna try and get a coupla more posts up before we head out for the next installment of As The Wheel Turns, but for the time being...it's a mad dash to the finish line. 

I'm closing this post with prayer requests.  As you may or may not know, Texas...in addition to the horrendous heat wave...is under a severe drought and now experiencing wildfires.  Please pray for all those in the line of these fires, both residents and firefighters.  Pray and pray again for much needed rain.  Most of us haven't seen any since May.  Everything is so dry here in our beloved state, one fire was started by a spark from a car's brakes.  Pray that the rain flooding the east will find it's way to us, providing relief for all who are impacted by these crazy weather patterns...North, South, East, and West.

While you are on your knees, please send up prayers for Anne and Angela.  Both of these fine ladies' mothers are facing daunting health challenges and are in desperate need of lifting up.  Please lift your voices and eyes to Heaven for them...and all the others out there facing similar circumstances...for strength, reassurance, and healing.  The statistics are unsurmountable, but so blessed are we...God doesn't deal in statistics...only in His perfect plans for us.

I do believe in the power of prayer and I have faith God hears and answers our pleas for help.

Think I better go cover some furniture up before it starts raining.

 

Jumping Into The Act

 What is it about an idea (sometimes by happy accident...sometimes when Heaven whispers it) that suddenly makes everyone glom on to it?  Doesn't matter if it's a great idea or not.  If there is a dollar to be made...everybody...including family...wants a piece of it.

Case in point...guess who I caught trying to audition to be our "Alan"?  Sheesh...she thinks she can be the next break-out star.  Somebody oughta tell her this stage is getting mighty crowded with wannabe stars...and I don't like sharing the spotlight!

'Course...she does look mighty precious, the paintbrush does fit her hand, and who knows...there could be a whole new audience to aim for in her diaper generation.  Just the thought of the untapped sponsers alone is enough to boggle the mind.

Pampers execs...are you reading this?

I checked...and double-checked the child labor laws (just to be on the safe side y'all) to make sure I wouldn't end up in the hoosegow.  Seems she can work on television...hmmm!  It didn't specify how much I had to pay her.  I gotta wonder y'all..reckon she knows the difference between a penny and a dollar?

Bella...wouldn't you rather have this pretty, shiny quarter instead of that nasty, dirty five spot?

I'm thinking she'd be a good investment.  You know...someone to take care of me during my diaper years...a little quid pro quo if you will in return for a little nepotism.  Hey...don't judge me.  It worked for Tori Spelling!

Sigh...next thing you know...Grayzilla will be trying to take over Miss Lazy's poodle seat.  Heck...who am I kidding?  If she wants it...done and done!

Wonder who Graycie will want to replace Cat Daddy with and is Justin Bieber available to drive a mini-Miss Lazy around?

Besides...where would I ever find someone this cute and happy who's willing to work at lightening speed...just for cookies and kisses?

I have to tell y'all thank you for all the cute comments you left on my previous post..especially to Pam and Cathy.  They went the extra mile and did posts to try and drum up some interest on my behalf and for their beloved state...Ohio.  Girls, I promise you up and down...if it ever  happens...you are my first official road trip!

Y'all are all just the best at getting me and my unhealthy need to be the center of attention!

In the meantime...while I'm waiting for that elusive, pesky phone call from Lifetime...save me a seat in front of the telly.

I'll be easy to spot..I'll be the one pickin' mine!

Jump Into High Gear

Dear Mr./Ms. Reality Show Producer:

 

I am writing you with a proposition I believe could be a win/win for all concerned.

In addition to your guys who only lust for beat up signage and old motorcycles, I  have also viewed your latest foray into the world of "reality" junking with mild chagrin.  I must say, I think you are missing the mark with your programming.  If you consider two attractive, young ladies dressed in shorts and boots, traipsing around in weeds the real deal...tsk tsk!  Monotonous is the first word that comes to mind when watching either of these shows.

Where's the sweat...the chigger bites...the cussing and fussing?  In other words...where's the reality?  In case you haven't noticed, there is a whole demographic that you are failing to attract.  I, of course, am speaking of those of us who actually do this for a living and know first hand...these shows ain't reality.

The time has come to expand your realm of thought with something different for a change---the truth!  Think unbridled, unscripted, and sometimes unbelievable...
Cat Daddy and his wing nut, Trash.  He's the driver and I'm in the poodle seat, always riding shotgun.

   Pack a bag, catch the first plane outta L.A., come down to Texas and hire yourself a coupla "real" junkers.  I swear up and down, your viewers ain't seen nothing like the two of us.  We don't just tramp around in people's yards, but hit every antique shop, auction and show we can.  We'll fight to the death crowds at estate and garage sales, risking life and limb for a good deal...and an even better story!

I've taken the liberty of coming up with several working titles and tag lines for your consideration.

1.  Moose and Squirrel...
We put the fun in dysfunctional.

You'll find you can save a ton of money on script writers 'cause you'll never know what we'll say...or how we'll say it.  Between the two us, we got enough mouth for ten rows of teeth.

Cheap is our watchword.  We buy cheap and we can be bought just as cheaply!  If you're looking for some arguing to add a fillip of spice to the show...look no further.  Just come around on loading day for our trip to the Mother Ship for all the bickering friendly disagreements we dish up.  FYI---I would however, strongly recommend placing a bleeper on Cat Daddy's mike and a mute on mine when we have these backyard board meetings.  We have been known to cuss and discuss while working long hours together.

You want drama...have no fear.  I am the original drama queen.  I've had more than one table dropped on my head, forgotten to pack underwear when out on the road, and tripped on my own tongue too many times to count.  We'll have 'em falling outta their Barcaloungers with tales of our misadventures in miscues, missed turns, and misbehavin'...to say nothing of flat hair, flat beer, flat broke and plenty of flat tires. 

2.  A Hitch On Our Git-a-long...

Livin' life where the road and the party never ends.

We run up and down the highway of life, mixing high-tone with high-jinks resulting in hi-larity.  We've been known to share the low-down on hidy-holes, steer clear of a few low-lifes along the way and keep it low-key if censors or children are around.

     

3.  Pickin' and Grinnin'...

Served up Texasified and country fried.

Our show wouldn't be about finding rusty junk and repurposing it...'cause that ain't what we do.  We're better at being inspired than being inspiring.  We scout out the good stuff, sell to our crazy, somewhat pixilated customers (usually while standing in the middle of a cow pasture) and get up the next morning to do it all over again...smilin' out loud at ourselves and our life together.  We're like a pair of scorpions.  If you see one...wait...the other 'un is just over yonder.

I would like to add a coupla caveats as these could be deal breakers.  I never...I repeat...never ferret.  If you're wanting somebody to climb into a deserted loft to scour around for stuff, it won't be me.  Doing so might result in chipped nail polish (which would break the code of GRITS) and besides....good gosh...that's what I had children for.  I will however send Cat Daddy into the trenches if I spy something shiny.

Secondly...while I refuse to wear city shorts when junking (although Cat Daddy thinks that would be a great idea), I do tend to be a bit like Mrs. Astor's pet horse when dressing to go out huntin'.  I love a lot of jingle in my jangle, but sadly this usually results in my overpaying...after being sized up.  To compensate, I usually keep my bee-decked bee-hind parked in the poodle seat of the truck, waiting for C.D. to assess the situation and give me a wave.  That hand gesture is my signal it's worth my time to get my rusty-dusty outta the truck.  Sounds complicated...but it works like a charm and I don't get dirty or sand-bagged.

Thirdly---Cat Daddy.  I will need insurance to protect him from his countless admirers of the female persuasion and will not be held accountable for any disruptions this might cause to filming.  Be sure and have the lawyers add something to the contract to prevent me from being kicked to the curb upon his reaching star status.  I promise you...this man is catnip and you'll need me to keep him...and the ladies...under control.    

Pickin' Up The Pieces...

While digging in the past.

In anticipation of your next question regarding our qualifications, we've been at this business for over 22 years.  We've seen trends come and go, but are always up to adaptation.  We know every back road between Texas, Oklahoma and Louisiana (which btw...are the best pickin's in the whole U.S. of A.) including rest stops, BBQ joints, and Stuckeys.   We have colorful customers with spectacular, off the wall shops, that could provide fodder for at least twenty episodes, but more importantly...we deliver with brio and style...guaranteed!  We are a dog and pony act in the sideshow of this crazy carny world we call junking.  We are street rat crazy...and proud of it.  In other words...together we are the whole nut.

We both firmly believe nothing ventured, nothing gained, he who snoozes, loses...and vicey versey.  It was with these thoughts in mind that prompted me to dash off this letter, but if you're not interested, you're not interested.  Pity...your loss.  On a side note, perhaps you would be so kind as to forward this letter on to some insightful, discerning magazine editors in need of a star or two for a monthly column.  We're available...and we're not too proud to beg.

Sincerely,

THE PICKUP ARTISTS...

We got a nose for pickin'!

Jumping In...Then Jumping Out

I seldom do a post this short...so don't blink twice or you'll miss it.  I've been under the weather for several days now, but I wanted to first tell y'all all thank you for your love of our birthday baby girl.  Each and every birthday wish and hug you shared is treasured by my family.

Second...I need to inform the winner of my little giveaway of the Red.Neck Chic's Red.neck Glam duct taped pendant...this is her lucky day.  I had planned an anniversary post to go with this announcement, but that post will just have to wait until I'm not under the influence. (If you think I'm hard to follow normally...think NyQuil induced ramblings...oy vey!)

OK..since I'm beginning to feel myself becoming influenced...the winner is...

Debra...Common Ground!  This lady gives so much to all of us in blogland...I'm pickled tink Mr. Random picked her so I have the pleasure of returning the favor!

Deb, I'll be mailing out your pendant PDQ.  (I'm positive I have your address here at the Casita de Trash...somewhere.)  Oh heck...just send it to me again to make sure this one gets mailed.

Now I have one little favor to ask all of you before I head back to my pillow and Kleenex box.  Would y'all mind closing your eyes for this little closing bit?  Ah-choo...I mean thank you!

Secret message for RobUhLyn's eyes only...remember y'all...no peeking:

Girl...that's one high class lady down...now how many more to go until we convert 'em all to duct tape and pearls' madness?

Insert maniacal, hot-toddy-induced laugh here.